


Shared Hearts

by DSFanwriter



Category: NCIS
Genre: M/M, Original Character Death(s), Same-Sex Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 08:18:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15408822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DSFanwriter/pseuds/DSFanwriter
Summary: On an important anniversary, Tony talks about his past and how he came to leave Philadelphia.





	Shared Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> My take on why Tony left Peoria and Philly. I highly doubt anything is canon - everything is made up to suit my needs and my story. If I'm missing a tag or two, let me know. I'm not very good with tags for some reason. Thanks!
> 
> Thank you to Mitch and Annie for the beta and feedback! It was most appreciated!

Jethro Gibbs set down the sanding tools he had been using for the last several hours, stretching his arms above his head to relieve the kinks in his arms, shoulders and back. He looked at his watch and was surprised to see that it was getting on to 5:30 pm. He needed to find his partner and figure out what they were doing for dinner. That was assuming his partner was speaking to him of course. Otherwise, it was dinner for one tonight.

He sighed when he thought of his younger lover. Tony had been “off “the last couple of days. Something hadn’t been right. His mood was off – snappish, but remorseful; sorrowful, almost melancholy. Jethro had tried to get him to talk about it, but Tony had passed him by; refused to acknowledge there was anything wrong. When Gibbs had awoken this morning he had been surprised to find that Tony was already awake. Tony awake before him? On a Saturday? Something was definitely not right. When he had found his partner of two years had gone for a run at such an early hour Gibbs had waited patiently for him to return. When Tony finally did, he had brushed away Gibbs’ attempts to find out what the plans were for the day. They had ended up arguing instead, with Tony leaving in a huff and Gibbs retreating to the basement and his boat. 

As Gibbs ascended the basement stairs a thought occurred to him that he hadn’t considered before. If he remembered correctly, Tony had acted much the same way the year before, only not to this degree. In fact, as he thought further on it, Tony acted much the same way on or about this day every year. What was it about this day? Gibbs wracked his brain to try to connect this day with something that he knew about Tony and his life but try as he might he couldn’t come up with anything. He shook his head in disgust with himself,that he couldn’t come up with the answer. 

Coming into the kitchen, he wasn’t surprised to see the sun was starting to set on the pleasant spring evening. Now if he could just locate his wayward lover maybe he could start to make things right between them once again and they could have a pleasant evening. As he started to go into the living room he passed the doors leading to the back porch. A slight movement caught his attention and he paused in the shadows. There on the porch was Tony, sitting in the descending darkness, sipping from a tumbler and thumbing through a photo album. As he continued to watch Tony took a deep breath and set the tumbler down on the table between the chairs next to the bottle. He looked out on the yard and let out a sigh, wiping at his eyes as he did so. 

Gibbs tilted his head slightly at that. Tony was crying. Why? Ok, enough was enough. Ever in the determined mind-set, Gibbs needed to get to the bottom of what was bothering Tony and needed to do it tonight. 

Deliberately making noise, Gibbs opened the door and stepped out onto the back porch. He made his way to the chair and sat down without saying a word. Tony didn’t look at him or acknowledge him but Gibbs knew he would eventually. 

As the darkness continued to descend the silence remained between them. Eventually Tony reached over and poured more amber liquid into the tumbler and slid the glass towards Gibbs. Gibbs picked it up and took a sip, smiling as the smooth, quality-tasting bourbon washed down his throat. He was surprised though since bourbon wasn’t Tony’s drink of choice. But he continued to wait for his lover to speak.

He didn’t have to wait much longer.

“When I was thirteen I was sent to the Rhode Island Military Academy,” Tony began quietly. “I didn’t know what to make of it or what to do, but like all things I figured it out pretty quick. That’s where I met him. Hard to believe I was only thirteen at the time,” Tony said with a small smile, shaking his head slightly. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Chris was an instructor at the academy. He taught military history and weapons training. I fell in love with him the minute I met him.” 

Gibbs listened quietly, taking in the information from Tony knowing that he needed to hear it to find out the whole picture. He knew his partner had had previous relationships, they both had; he wasn’t naïve enough to think he was the first. 

“Christopher Jonathan Wilkin was tall, dark and handsome. He was all military. I found out later he was 30. He was a Master Sergeant in the Marine Corps,” Tony said with a smirk. 

Gibbs snorted at that.

“Yeah, I know. What can I say? I was attracted to Marines even back then. I think that’s where it started,” Tony said with a small laugh.

“I knew better than to think that anything could come of it. I was only a freshman and thirteen after all. That first year, I didn’t do anything except watch after him every chance I got. I didn’t actually have his history class that year which really sucked. Probably for the best anyway; I doubt I would have heard a word he said the whole year. I told myself the whole next summer it wasn’t anything more than a crush. But seeing him on that first day of school the next year I knew better. My sophomore year, I drew him for history AND weapons class. Double whammy. I was doomed. Weapons class was easy. I could do that class with my eyes closed, even back then, thank god. I had always had a natural knack for guns for some reason. History, on the other hand, well, that required a little more work. He was a tough instructor, but by the end of the first quarter I had him figured out.”

Gibbs smiled at that. Leave it to Tony, even at that early age.

“But I had also come to realize that I could spend more time with him if I needed more help. So while I ended up essentially tutoring my classmates in his class at night, I made out like I was failing. Do that and he’s required to spend extra time with me helping me figure out why I’m failing his class and trying to help me not fail his class. By the end of the year, I ended up with a “D” in his history class as a final grade. Passable, but not good enough for the school. I needed summer school. Guess who decided to stick around that year and teach the summer school class? I thought I had it made,” Tony said with a smirk.

“That is until the first day of class and it’s just me and him. I guess I was a better tutor than I thought since all of my classmates had gotten a better grade than I had. The first thing he said to me that day was ‘Why are you here?’ I said, ‘Excuse me, sir? I didn’t get a good enough grade, sir.’ I’m sitting at the desk at attention and he’s walking behind me – never did like that even then; can’t stand it now. So he walks up behind me and leans down and says quietly in my ear, ‘And you could teach this class, cadet! WHY are you here?’ I just about had a breakdown right there. Not like I could tell him that I loved him. So I repeated myself; that’s my story and I’m sticking to it, right? He got that look like you get when you know I’m not telling you the whole truth and nothing but – GOT to be a Marine thing – and says, ‘Fine. Here’s your assignment for the summer.’ He proceeds to hand me a paper with my assignment. I have to write a 100 page paper, with footnotes, on some war I’ve long since forgotten the name of. He wrote the book on it though; its 50 pages long. It’s the ONLY book about it. The war only lasted 14 days. I was so screwed.”

Gibbs laughed out loud at that. Tony just shook his head at the memory and smiled.

“8 rewrites later I managed to satisfy him enough to finish the summer course with a ‘B.’ The next year I started to test the water with him. I flirted with him a couple of times, nothing serious at first, him being military and all, not to mention one of my instructors. When he gave it right back, I get braver. He pulled me aside finally towards the end of my junior year and told me that while he was flattered and everything, I was a) underage, b) a student in the school and c) he was an instructor. I asked him if “b” and “c” didn’t exist would “a” matter and he said yes, always. Then I asked if all three went away could he and I possibly have a future. He looked at me and said if “a,” “b” and “c” didn’t exist than there wouldn’t be anything to worry about, would there?” Tony said.

Gibbs took a sip of the bourbon and set the glass on the table between the two men. By now it was fully dark out, but the evening wasn’t too chilly. Not that he would interrupt Tony to suggest they move inside. He suspected the only reason he was getting the full story was because they were outside in the dark. Anonymity was usually easier for Tony. 

“Chris was my best friend in school – friend, confidant, and mentor. He listened when I needed him to listen. He doled out advice whether I needed it or not. If I was in trouble with administration, they started to call Chris to come straighten me out instead of calling my father. They figured out they’d get better results that way. Most of the time I actually listened too,” Tony smirked, picking up the glass and taking a sip of the amber liquid. He swirled it a few times looking thoughtfully into the glass before setting it down again and continuing.

“Senior year came and went. I hated to leave. It meant leaving Chris. Even after I graduated from the academy he wouldn’t kiss me – I was still underage. I was only seventeen. I wouldn’t turn eighteen until my freshman year of college. While a part of me understood, I was pissed. All I wanted, all I had ever wanted for the last four freakin’ years was to kiss the man! But he had his principles and he refused to budge. So I left for Ohio State, pretty certain I’d never see him again.”

“The morning after my 18th birthday, there was a knock on my bedroom door at the frat house. Someone was downstairs for me. God, I was half asleep, barely functioning. My frat brothers had had a party for me the night before. You can just imagine how that went! I stumbled down the stairs, into the living room. Standing there waiting was Chris, in civilian clothes. I woke up pretty quick. Didn’t say a word. I just went to him and kissed him. When we finally came up for air, he said to me, ‘Happy 18th birthday! Will you be my partner forever?’ As he said this, he opened his hand and revealed a simple silver wedding band.” 

Gibbs’ eyebrows shot up at that. Partners forever, huh? Really? 

“Shocked didn’t even begin to cover it, as you can imagine, but I would have said yes if he’d ask me to follow him into a volcano. I was so in love with him, Jethro. I’d tried to forget him those past five months in between graduating and him showing up at my door but I couldn’t. Everything I did reminded me of him. Everywhere I went, I saw Marines. Every time I turned around, the damn campus ROTC was drilling past me! I threw myself into studying or football – anything to take my mind off him but it didn’t work. Finally I tried to find someone else, but they weren’t Chris. Having Chris show up at my door like that,” Tony just shook his head. “It was like a dream come true. We knew in reality, even then, that marriage wasn’t something that could legally take place, but it could mean something to us. I grabbed a bag of clothes and we went to Chris’ hotel,” Tony smiled. “We did the whole ‘honeymoon’ thing backwards, but we had held off for four years. In talking to Chris, I had come to find out that he had spotted me when I was a freshman but being older and all, well.” 

“Chris knew someone nearby who could ‘perform’ a simple service for us – an exchange of vows. It was enough. We wore them on our right hands. I was still in school. He had gotten out of the military but still had a prosperous teaching and lecturing career. We made it work.”

“Married life with Chris was...interesting. He and I used to have some good rows. We came damn close to knock down, drag out fights a couple of times. He had a temper and so did I and I wasn’t afraid to show it. He was demanding academically – acted more like my father in that respect than my spouse. But I pulled in good grades. He came to every game I played in. He was there when I busted my leg. He helped me during rehab; kept me going when I wanted to quit. We found a house near campus, down the street from my frat brothers’ house. He got along well with them. They liked him a lot. Chris had money and wanted to pay for my school but I wouldn’t let him. We used to argue about that all the time. He felt it was his right. I told him I couldn’t let him. Looking back the arguments now seem…petty. He threw me out once. Never did that again. It was the beginning of summer. I don’t even remember what the argument was about, but I remember how much he pissed me off. He was so angry too. Told me to get out. He actually meant to leave, to cool off but I really left. I grabbed my backpack, some clothes, some money and took off. Took him 45 days to find me. When he finally did I don’t know which he wanted to do more – hit me or hug me. He finally hugged me and told me if I ever did that again he’d kick my ass. But he never said those words again.”

“When I graduated from school and told him I wanted to go to the police academy he supported my decision. It was as close to the military as I was ever going to get and he knew it was what I wanted to do. We’d talked about it enough. By then he had accepted a position to teach and lecture at Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois so it made sense to start my police career there. We agreed not to say anything about our relationship to anyone outside of our friends. It just wouldn’t work in the police arena. About my second year at Peoria, he got an offer to guest lecture for two years at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia. He was really excited about it. So we moved. I could get a job just about anywhere, but his jobs were a little harder to come by. Moving didn’t mean all that much to me as long as we were together,” Tony took another deep breath and slowly released it.

Gibbs sensed that this was where the story would take a different turn. Tony didn’t talk about his time in Philadelphia very much, if at all. 

“Philly was okay. Chris loved his job; loved teaching. We had some great friends. My job was working out okay – as long as no one knew that Chris and I were actually a couple. We’d been there just over a year when it all came apart. Chris and I had been married for just about 6 years. Everything was good. We still had our share of issues as a couple; who doesn’t? And that night was no different than any other.”

Tony paused in his storytelling to look out over the backyard. As Gibbs watched him, he seemed to be reliving the story before he continued sharing with Gibbs. 

“The six months prior to that night there had been a rash of beatings. Gay couples mostly, but the occasional stray lone heterosexual male was caught in the cross-fire. No witnesses. All beaten to death with clubs or bats. We weren’t sure of the number involved but thought it might be in the neighborhood of 5 or 6. We had nothing; except an area. Chris, ever the protective lover, had warned me that if he found out I had gone to that area alone, without sufficient back-up, he’d beat me himself.” 

His voice dipped quietly even though it was just the two of them on the porch. Had Gibbs’ hearing not been as good as it was he might have had trouble hearing him. 

“We were supposed to meet up with some friends that night, at a bar. Chris didn’t really want to go, which was unusual for him. Normally he loved to go out. He enjoyed our time with our friends. But that night, that night he kept coming up with excuses – he just had to finish his lecture for Monday; he had an idea he had to jot down, it would only take a moment to finish. We were late. I was pissed. It had been a long week and for once I wasn’t working a Friday night. I wanted to go out. I just had to go,” Tony said in almost a whisper.

Tony paused again to collect his thoughts. The moon that night was particularly bright for a half moon. The moonlight glistened off Tony’s features, twinkling off the tears that were tracing their way down Tony’s face.

“We argued. We yelled. Finally I stormed out of the house. I needed some space to cool off. I didn’t intend…When I didn’t come back right away, Chris went to the bar thinking that’s where I’d gone. But I hadn’t. I must have missed him by only a few moments. It couldn’t have been that long. I knew where he’d gone so I went after him. See, the bar was in the area where the beatings were taking place. And while it wasn’t okay for me to go alone, well, Chris had been a Marine after all. But even he was no match for six guys and bats against one lone Marine. I fou…” Tony’s voice broke at this point and he had to stop and collect himself in order to continue telling his tale. He wiped at the tears streaming down his face, but they kept coming anyway. 

By now, even Jethro had tears in his eyes. He knew what the loss of a loved one felt like. He knew the pain that Tony was in. He had pieced together the story, but knew that Tony needed to get it out. 

Tony cleared his throat and continued on, his voice barely above a whisper, “I found Chris just outside the bar. I yelled for help, but knew it wasn’t going to make it in time. He grabbed my hand and held it, even though I could tell it was causing him pain. I held him…” Tony was sobbing by this time, he leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees, looking out over the yard, but seeing the alley where his lover, his first love had died all those years ago. “I held him as he died. The ambulance and police arrived moments later but it was too late. I couldn’t let him go. It took all four of our friends to pry me away from him,” Tony wiped again at the tears on his face. He placed his head in his hands and wept silently.

Gibbs put his hand on Tony’s shoulder and squeezed it. For the first time since he sat down, Gibbs spoke, asking “How long ago?”

“Ten years ago tonight,” Tony answered. 

Tony collected himself and sat back in his chair. Gibbs kept his hand on Tony’s shoulder. Eventually, Tony’s hand found its way up to Gibbs’ and covered his.

“Did they find out who did it?” Gibbs asked quietly.

Tony snorted at that. “That would have required that they investigate it first. Once they knew it was my lover that had died, and those that got to the scene first made sure that everyone knew that, well, they didn’t seem all that inclined to figure it out. They blew some smoke and put up some mirrors to make it look like they were doing something about it but in reality they could have cared less,” Tony replied angrily.

“On my own time I investigated Chris’ death and all the others. I made some quiet inquiries, pulled together the evidence. The rest of the squad pretty much left me alone after Chris’ funeral. My partner requested a new partner, telling the captain that my head really wasn’t in it anymore,” came the sarcastic reply in the dark.

None of it really surprised Gibbs. Ten years wasn’t that long ago. On a police force, to be openly gay, to even be suspected as gay or bi, was bad news. 

“Eventually, I got them. I got them all; all six of them. I had all the evidence chronicled, documented and ready to go. But there wasn’t anyone to give it to. Three of the suspects were trouble – one was the son of the chief of police, one was the son of the managing director of the city and the other was the nephew of a city councilman. The others were friends; their fathers were high-ranking CEOs from Philly. Kids, just bored rich kids with nothing better to do with their time. And no one was going to listen to me. By then I’d found another job, in Baltimore. I’d moved. I gathered everything I had, made twenty copies of it all. I mailed it out to all the news outlets in Philadelphia, the attorney general’s office, the county attorney’s office, and the head of the homicide division, as well as the mayor’s office. I had connected them all to every single murder they had committed, including Chris’,” Tony said with finality and conviction. 

Gibbs nodded in support. Tony was good; he knew it. He knew, just as he had done, that Tony wouldn’t be one to let things lie. But even when you get the bad guy it doesn’t solve everything.

“They couldn’t ignore what I had handed them on a silver platter. Their lawyers quickly cut a deal and everyone was more than happy to put it behind them. At least, most everyone was. I tried to put it behind me, but sometimes that’s easier said than done.

In the quiet of the night, Gibbs almost missed Tony asking, “Does it ever get any easier?”

Gibbs took moment before he replied. When he did he said, “Yes. Eventually. When you share them with someone you love. Someone who understands that you aren’t trying to replace them, but compliment them.”

In the little light they had, Gibbs saw Tony nod his head. 

“I’d like you to know him. I’d like to share him with you. I think…I think you would have liked him,” Tony said with a small smile on his tear-stained face, looking out over the darkened yard. “He was…a lot like you, but different. Sometimes I imagine Shannon and Chris sharing notes about us wherever they are and just shaking their heads over us.”

Jethro laughed out loud at that statement, causing Tony to smile back. 

“Yeah, I can see that. What a pair they would probably make, huh?” Gibbs replied. After a pause, Gibbs asked quietly, “Tell me more about him?”

Tony nodded and passed the photo album that he had set down on the floor to him. “I have some pictures,” he said with growing excitement, glad to be sharing this part of his past with his new life. 

As the night progressed the two lovers, friends, shared stories about their lost loved ones, some sad, some happy. Together, they helped each other heal.


End file.
